Currently Listening Ys By Joanna Newsom see related

about the bible

     two things have recently been bothering me about christianity. the first being the idea of god as human. the second being the nature of jesus. there is admitadely very little written about the actual life of jesus in the bible and this bothers me. it's lead me to two conclusions.*

1.the crucifiction of jesus christ is in fact more important than his life itself and only served the purpose of an exercise in god and a sacrifice for humanity.

2. since his death and resurection was in fact more important than his life previous he is NOT the moral/ spiritual arch-type for humanity.

3. he is not the spiritual moral arch-type for humanity( god in human form, jesus) because we as human beings cannot comprehend what god in human form is.

4. the denouncing of humanity in the bible and the constant fall of humans tells us that this is in fact impossible. therefore he cannot have operated on a higher level than humanity to be god, to operate on a higher level than humanity, does not make him human.

4<OR>5

5. therefore the existence of jesus as god can only be explained as the introspection and self-awareness of  god through humanity. therefore god must exist through humanity.

6. the sacrificial death of jesus is a self perpetuating a cycle, in which god serves god.

-deeper than christianity and more secular-

7.  therefore truth is something that is self perpetuating and moves in a cycle

8. in all actuality these cycles exist in infinity

9. infinity does not have time

10. we do not exist in infinity

* this list is based on a few assumptions - that god does in fact exist ( the jewish god) - that god has pre-determined everything, includind the bible.  both of these are taken from the bible. and last of all this list is a presentation of the few incongruencies i see in the bible as of now- and does not necessarily reflect future opinions

Currently Listening Assume Power Focus By Throbbing Gristle see related

another music entry (and he kept hitting me with a brick)

     after watching a few genesis p. orridge videos on you tube i found myself back listening to throbbing gristle, for those of you who don't know that is one of, if not THE first industrial group. genesis, has since changed and gone through a metamorphasis of sorts, he has since become a she and , as many of the other members of TG have done, started a side project called psychic tv. but enough of that most of what i want to explain about the original industrial music may be inferred from the following videos.

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/J7kauOh15jg"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/J7kauOh15jg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> some info on throbbing gristle

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/bn4Vz93KkDM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/bn4Vz93KkDM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> theories involving improvisation

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9b5TgQR8ba4"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9b5TgQR8ba4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> transexuality and the minority "YOB (that's boy backwards)"

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/M3hqRAJfaRM"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/M3hqRAJfaRM" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object> "YOB II"

<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y8klW9trVTQ"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y8klW9trVTQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

finally i leave you with this, before TG and the group got together they were doing preformance art in a group called COUM Transmissions hopefully this will help you get a feel on how their ideals evolved

http://brainwashed.com/axis/coum/intro.htm

entry is ridiculous

    i found it hard to ever get any meaning from life. I think it's sort of what life is all about, this big blizzard of thoughts and ideas half grasped from life, only to slip away out of conscience ness. lately i've been questioning true character, and i think i can safely say that it is a theme for me. this "true character" or the true nature of things has popped up in my blog quite a lot and also in my last blog. so there be one. i don't know but it seems life just further slips into a dadaist dream. more on this topic later but despite this i felt

      this weekend that a spirit should contact me in the middle of the night when i put in my eyes and see infinity. they take me to the woods where we sit in the autumn leaves and watch animals illuminate the night with their eyes. and magic i felt this weekend, it was static, shaking and gentle. and i felt nature and nature felt me for once in a long time. things are happening! happening in nature and i couldn't escape the feeling of being extatic over them for some reason or another. i just felt happy that it was autumn. i don't know why.

i don't know why i don't question it anymore. everything just seems like it is. i just feel like my mind needs to reach out and grab a thought, something new and fresh.

spit! decipher that!

Currently Listening Human Animal By Wolf Eyes see related

entry exam

     I was looking on the internet a while back to find some really harsh and abrassive music. it was what i liked at the moment. so i found myself at my favorite noise music blog "noiseweek" it lacked the harsh kind of noise, the masochism that i wanted at that moment. and i sort of forsaw this, i knew noiseweek as a blog that had a sophisticated approach towards noise. you're more likely to find drone and ambient-esque sort of stuff. i did although remember that it had a few harsher less reffined mp3's created by fellow noiseblogger going by the name of portable noise kremator. i clicked on the link to his blog appropriately enough entitled "noiseblog." i soon enough ended up on a myspace by noise artist filthy turd. the name was just amusing enough for me to check him out.

     anyway the first video i looked had one of the most insane men i've seen jumping around flailing himself on the floor with a guitar amp spewing out massive amounts of feedback and distoration(should i also note that the amp had "FILTH" painted on it in red and white letters?) and flashing the audience at the end of the preformance. in short it was great. it was also one of the darkest things i've seen. i have no idea why it made me feel that way. but after that i looked further into the videos. and i found myself asking why would anyone do this to themselves?? and i thought at the same time "am i not the same as he?" have i not been destroying myself in other ways to obtain knowledge?? so then what makes me that much different than him? and i became very glad that this person was willing to do this sort of stuff. i admired him, he spews out this hatred all the while the quote on his myspace says "macho but pathetic." It's an assault on everything, from masculinity, to the difference between primal humans and modern day, and it's even an assault on itself.  It fit this week so well and i enjoyed that myspace every chance that i got.

  this entry also gives me a perfect chance to link you to some other blogs..because i do love mp3 blogs...so without further babeling here is some linkage

http://www.mangenerated.com/blog/ (mangenerated noiseblog)

http://noiseweek.blogspot.com/ (noiseweek, blog based in DC area)

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=77003272 (filthy turd)

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=110483055 ( gasp! maja ratkje, experimental norwegian singer has a myspace... and neat friends)

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=57361488 (sudden infant)

all for your aural pleasure and masochism...

Currently Listening Knives Don't Have Your Back (Dig) By Emily Haines & Soft Skeleton see related

another entry

     it's fall and i'm sad for summer. i'm also a little sad for myself it scares me now in particular because it seems like time goes so quick. i also feel like i'm not so significant in my family. everything in my schedule is moved around for their convenience. it's so anoying for people who bitch about how i don't do anything i actually begin to get involved and they are angry. and as i described my last journal entry i'm actually getting to be left alone. i'm not sure if i like it or if i should even care. i've been quite indifferent so far to most of it other than the stuff that has inconvienienced me.

     i've actually been quite num lately seeing as though i've been taking 800 mg ibuprophen and percocet...just because i've been so fucking tired of my mouth being in constant pain...it feels like it's decaying. hah everything has confirmed to me that the mouth is a festering wound. perhaps it is if the only thing you spew out of it is this kind of crap. i think we're all aliens looking for answeres and once something is definite you look at it closer and it becomes more blur.

     on another note, i really detest my art class because i have to put up with other people's bullshit , they're worse than a knitting circle, talking about who they don't like. on top of that yestereday the teacher yelled at me for trying to complete a painting yesterday. it would have been ok if she would have told me before class (when i was setting up) instead of yelling at me in the middle of the class. and of course sum smart ass kid said "you should slap him" after i sincerely appologized..but it didn't come off as sincere seeing as though the whole circumstance was screwed up and i really didn't do anything wrong. besides it's basically "paint this flower" or us this packet to learn how to paint the "chinese " style water color. i didn't take a class to replicate, i came to learn. i haven't had to to do any other stuff since school started really, but it stinks cause i have a bunch of deadlines coming up for shows in october.